Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Nobody Likes My Dumb Shirts

So we have the bedtime routine down to a fine science here in this household. Curtis and I alternate nights with Sean, who, I admit, has been a poor sleeper since birth. With Curtis it's an in and out affair- he's got Sean down in ten minutes or less in most nights. However, Sean knows a sucker, and I am a sucker, for him at least. He will come up with every reason in the book for me to stay with him.



He needs me. He's afraid of the dark. He's not tired. One more story. He's thirsty. He needs to pee. I know I should have put an end to it long ago, but I'll let you in on a little secret. I really don't mind it too much... I know one day Sean will no longer need or want me to lie down with him and scratch his back. One day he will tell me to go away. So I cherish these quiet moments in the dark with him. He's at his cuddliest and he talks a lot. Usually he talks about funny things, but last night, he didn't.



Last night as I lay under fresh Spider Man sheets with my gangly four-year-old in the crook of my arm, he told me he didn't have friends at day care because they don't like his "dumb shirts." I don't know if this is true or a stalling technique (well, I know he has friends, but I don't know if maybe one day a kid said something mean or if he was making it up). Either way he sounded sad about it and it made me sad.



And it made me mad! How dare some mean kid make fun of mine because of his clothing choices! Does this teasing really start this early? I remember being teased for what I wore in fifth grade at the earliest. It didn't get any easier as a teen. And even now, I spout "Be confident. Wear what you want. Don't worry about others", but I still worry if I will look stupid or if someone won't like my grown-up equivalent of a "dumb shirt." It's dumb and irrational, but it's still a real fear, so I felt his pain and a fierce protectiveness. Not just for a 4-year-old spinning tales at bedtime, but for a 10-year-old or a 14-year-old Sean. For a child I won't always be able to hold and protect. For a child who one day may not tell me his biggest fears and saddest moments. For the child I was.



I kissed him on the head as I assured him, "Everyone likes your shirts and if they don't they don't deserve to be your friends anyway." And I meant it. And I mean it. For him and me and you. If someone doesn't like us for who we are, then we don't need them in our lives. I'm always nervous when I wear the peacock feather. I get many compliments, but I also get some weird stares and some giggles. But now I am going to work on not caring about that because those people don't matter.






46 comments:

Weesha said...

That is sad :( but good for you for teaching him the right lesson. When I was a kid and even now, my folks always believe in fitting in. I still remember my mom telling me to lose weight before I started uni because "boys won't talk to you if you're fat".
You look amazing btw, very Mad Men only sexier and more glam!

Annie said...

Aw poor Sean. But at least he has an awesome mom to keep things in perspective :) I LOVE this outfit Katie - you look so sophisticated! The black and that color green look so fancy together :)

Annie
The Other Side of Gray

Always Maylee said...

1. I love your feather hair piece and if people stare, it's just because they are jealous they don't have style like you. 2. Kids can be mean, but I love your response. 3. Your a great mom. :)

xo, Yi-chia

Sharon S said...

Aww, that is really sad that the kids start the teasing so early. But it is so true that the kids that say those things don't deserve his friendship.

I'm a HUGE fan of fascinators and I love this peacock one on you, Katie!

-Sharon
The Tiny Heart

Lindsey Carmichael said...

Poor Sean. :( It sounds silly, but in my opinion and experience, few things in this life sting worse than being teased for how you dress. It's something that haunts me to this day -- not in the WAY I dress, because I miraculously managed to stop giving a f*ck what people thought of my clothes when I was 16 -- but in how MUCH I shop, in how much I love certain labels, how I lust after expensive things, in how I'll buy something I want and love pretty much no matter the price. IDK if it's healthy or not, but it makes me feel good to indulge myself, especially because I grew up WITHOUT wearing the "right" things. I think when kids are Sean's age, though, it's mostly jealousy and imitation of words and attitudes of older siblings than anything else. I hope Sean gives that kid the playground equivalent of the middle finger next time he decides to pipe up.

Katha Strophe said...

I think you're a great mom! You told him the right thing.
You look fantastic, I love your outfit. The peacock feathers look fantastic!

Carrie said...

Great post. Sean is lucky to have you as his mom. :) And you look absolutely lovely in that outfit - those peacock feathers are amazing.

tashia graham said...

Aw. Poor little guy. He's lucky he has a mom like you to build his confidence back up. Cute outfit:)

Stephanie Roberts said...

The first time I remember being teased (for clothing) was 3rd grade. But I remember 5 year old kindergarten was when I first started feeling "insecure" about what others thought of me. I love Sean and I think his shirts are awesome and that HE is awesome and I honestly don't know if anyone is cool enough to be his friend. Hug him for me :)

Divine Diva said...

Ugh, Poor Sean. Kids can be so cruel. People starting teasing me very, very early on - at school and at home. It is wonderful that your son as a loving and supporting family to build him up instead of tear him down.
I still find myself worrying about what others think of me. It is a long process to change...but I'm trying.
You look wonderful! I'm gonna have to get me one of those Kiyonna pencil skirts!

BethyLB said...

I loved the peacock feathers before I read the part where you mentioned them. I have the same hang up with wearing bright colors. I get compliments, but I'm always wondering if people are pointing and laughing behind their hands. I'm working on not-caring, too. Thank you for the reminder.

chillairandperfume said...

Look at you with those peacock feathers! So fab.

Also, you sound like the best mom ever :)

xo,
Hannah
www.chillairandperfume.blogspot.com

Tori said...

So cute! I love the peacock feathers!! My whole wedding was themed around them :)

http://www.mythriftychic.com/

Mamafrost76 said...

I remember teasing...not fun! Sean is an awesome kid! Just keep reinforcing it like you do! You and Curt are great parents!

Audrey @ Putting Me Together said...

Awwww that is so sad about what the kid said to Sean!! I love that you and your blog empower people to love themselves.

Audrey
www.puttingmetogether.com

Tranae B said...

Aw poor Sean. I didn't know teasing started so early in kids. I would speak to his teacher about this to see if this is something that happens often. BTW...I love your outfit. Especially the headband.

Feathers & Freckles said...

Who would laugh at that amazing feather headpiece! It's so pretty! One year I was a peacock for Halloween and my mom handmade me one of those and I lose it that night :( I was so bummed.

You look so pretty, Katie! I love that skirt on you, and you styled it perfectly.

That is so sad about Sean... I can't believe kids start teasing about clothes that early. And, um, hello, all children's shirts are awesome! They are all covered in spiderman and strawberry shortcake and animals - sign me up!

lovelovefashion said...

those words hit hard to a mum, its instantly enraging but you handled it like a pro, especially when you think they have no friends either, mine have done this also, always turns out they have their little crew they seem to forget to tell you about! another great pencil skirt look, they are soo chic and your headpiece looks so good, i admire your bravery because it takes guts to wear something unique and hold your head up high and you manage to look exquisite x p.s. as you are a teacher please excuse my appalling punctuation, lack of capital letters etc its so bad!!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Well, you know how little kids exaggerate things, but I will always worry because, as a teacher, I KNOW how mean kids can be! However, as a teacher, I am definitely NOT judging your punctuation or spelling I promise!!! I make mistakes all the time!

Thank you, so much!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thanks, Megan! I've always wanted to go as a peacock for Halloween- I bet that was an AMAZING costume with your red hair and porcelain skin!

I agree about kids' shirts, I was like, "Are you kidding me? Your shirts are awesome!"

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Good idea to talk to the teacher! And thank you so much, Tranae! I think this is my new favorite outfit!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thank you so much! Sometimes I get on my soapbox and rant- thanks for letting me!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thank you!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

I am so jealous right now! I bet that was a beutiful wedding!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thank you Hannah for saying that. Sometimes I really doubt myself as a mom, so that compliment means so much!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

h, definitely I agree about the bright colors! It's always tough to wear those too! You are going to stand out for sure. It's all about accepting attention. I don't like being the center of attention at all, so it's something I've had to work on!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

I completely understand what you mean about still worrying about people! I do too! And yes to the Kiyonna pencil skirt! It's so awesome!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

I sure will! :)

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thank you and thank you!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thank you, Carrie! (For both compliments!)

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thank you!!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

No, it doesn't sound silly at all- you are exactly right! And I am the same way with shopping, and I know it's not healthy, but dammit! It makes me feel better!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thank you, Sharon! I love fascinators too! Such a fun way to dress up an outfit!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

1. Thank you! 2. Thank you! 3. Thank you! I appreciate all of that so much :)

Bloggingforjoy said...

I hope your son was just stalling for more time! (If not, thinking about incidents like this just gives me another reason to consider homeschooling our preschooler!). I think public schools in the U.S. should adopt a uniform policy.

Anyway, your son is so fortunate to have such a wonderful Mom! :) (And a stylish Mom!) What a pretty outfit! The peacock feather looks lovely!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thanks, Annie! I don't often get called sophisticated! ;)

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

I don't ever want to be like that! I read your blog abuot your parents and your cousin's wedding, so I know where you're coming from. I know she loves you, but that's so hurtful!

And thank you so much! Sexier and more glam! Heck yes!

vogue_or_bust said...

Aw poor Sean! Kids are such shit heads (aside from yours obviously haha), they're so mean, and the worst part is they find a reason to mean even if there's nothing there.

I used to be made fun of for having green eyes...they called me snake girl. Like...how is that even offensive?? hahaha. Anyway they're probably just jealous of his awesome shirts! Speaking of shirts, I love love love that green on you. Definitely one of your colours, and I love how you picked it up with the feather - stunning!

Alexandra xo

http://tovogueorbust.com/

Daniela said...

Such a great message! Confidence is EVERYTHING, I think, and I love that you are so proud to be who you are and teaching Sean the same. Kids are so cruel and it sucks that there are cliques and bullies.. I hated high school for it!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Kids are shit heads!! You crack me up so much! I was watching America's Next Top Model tonight (don't judge!) and they were talking to little girls that were bullied. And one girl mentioned being teased for her hair and skin color- things she can't control! Like your eyes! Really? Kids are totally lame too!

And thank you so much- I'm totally loving this outfit!

Julie said...

cute hair piece!!

Check out our blog!
www.celebrityowned.com
xx Julie xx

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Thank you, Julie!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

I hated high school for the same reason! Ugh! Thank you so so much for what you said! That means so much to me!

Kate B said...

You are lovely, inside and out, and I'm so glad I found your blog! And anyone who doesn't like Sean or his shirts is clearly a dum-dum poopoo head.

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

Hahahaha! Thank you so much :) I am glad you found me too!

Hems for Her, a.k.a. Katie said...

h, definitely I agree about the bright colors! It's always tough to wear those too! You are going to stand out for sure. It's all about accepting attention. I don't like being the center of attention at all, so it's something I've had to work on!

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