He needs me. He's afraid of the dark. He's not tired. One more story. He's thirsty. He needs to pee. I know I should have put an end to it long ago, but I'll let you in on a little secret. I really don't mind it too much... I know one day Sean will no longer need or want me to lie down with him and scratch his back. One day he will tell me to go away. So I cherish these quiet moments in the dark with him. He's at his cuddliest and he talks a lot. Usually he talks about funny things, but last night, he didn't.
Last night as I lay under fresh Spider Man sheets with my gangly four-year-old in the crook of my arm, he told me he didn't have friends at day care because they don't like his "dumb shirts." I don't know if this is true or a stalling technique (well, I know he has friends, but I don't know if maybe one day a kid said something mean or if he was making it up). Either way he sounded sad about it and it made me sad.
|Sweater- Eloquii (sold out- similar from Eloquii)|
Pencil Skirt- c/o Kiyonna
Peacock Feather- Polka Dot Pancake
And it made me mad! How dare some mean kid make fun of mine because of his clothing choices! Does this teasing really start this early? I remember being teased for what I wore in fifth grade at the earliest. It didn't get any easier as a teen. And even now, I spout "Be confident. Wear what you want. Don't worry about others", but I still worry if I will look stupid or if someone won't like my grown-up equivalent of a "dumb shirt." It's dumb and irrational, but it's still a real fear, so I felt his pain and a fierce protectiveness. Not just for a 4-year-old spinning tales at bedtime, but for a 10-year-old or a 14-year-old Sean. For a child I won't always be able to hold and protect. For a child who one day may not tell me his biggest fears and saddest moments. For the child I was.
I kissed him on the head as I assured him, "Everyone likes your shirts and if they don't they don't deserve to be your friends anyway." And I meant it. And I mean it. For him and me and you. If someone doesn't like us for who we are, then we don't need them in our lives. I'm always nervous when I wear the peacock feather. I get many compliments, but I also get some weird stares and some giggles. But now I am going to work on not caring about that because those people don't matter.